Deviant Login Shop  Join deviantART for FREE Take the Tour

:iconsevereweather: More from SevereWeather

More from deviantART


Submitted on
October 18, 2012
File Size
880 bytes


29 (who?)
Your memory smothers me
Like a blanket over a fire
You can't save me now
As I drown in this reverie

Can nobody hear me?
Or am I silently begging
For someone to notice
That I am no longer strong?

I want so badly to feel your arms around me
To open my eyes and see yours staring back
Feel the comfort of your body against mine
You gently kissing my forehead...

But I'm too far gone

I would be lying if I said I didn't miss you
But I know we're not good for each other
I know going back to you
Would be setting myself up for pain

You should know that this was a very difficult decision to make
Choosing to finally let you go
To be on my own
Be free
For the first time in over two years I have feelings for someone else. This is a pretty huge step forward for me because I didn't know when or even if I would be able to feel this way again.
Add a Comment:
I like the way this is like a letter, or maybe a journal entry. And the way it starts hopeless and ends determined.
You need to punctuate more, the first stanza should end in a period. This way the meaning is confused by the run-on sentence. This happens a lot throughout the poem. Stanza three appears to be a list, but it doesn't have any commas so I can't tell if it's four separate things the speaker wants, or combined actions.
It's interesting to keep all the stanzas four lines long, as many don't bother with this in free verse. And each stanza having it's own theme lends to the feeling of growth or decision making that characterises the poem.

On behalf of #GrammarNaziCritiques
NorthernWings Oct 19, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
That's a lot of well-captured emotion in this work. I love it!

And seriously, good luck with that situation you mentioned.
SevereWeather Oct 19, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you
wdnest Oct 18, 2012  Professional Writer
Wonderful capture of this. Congratulations and I hope you feel better soon.
SevereWeather Oct 18, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you
This I exactly how I feel only less romantic and I don't miss my dad /:
SevereWeather Oct 18, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I'm sorry you feel this way.
Trust me when I say I don't lol but thank you :) beautiful poem though. I love it
OwlAddict Oct 18, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
3 years on and I still go through this every single day. I am wondering if the pain will ever go away
SevereWeather Oct 18, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
With my experience, time heals all wounds. I hope you start feeling better soon.
Add a Comment: