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AwayYou used to be afraid to lose me,
so why am I the one that is in pain from your absence?
You used to look at me like I was the only girl you saw,
now I'm just another lost in the crowd.
You used to embrace me like you never wanted to let go,
now you don't come near enough to touch me.
You used to say you loved me,
but I guess that went away.
You StoleI greatly underestimated just how much I was affected by you leaving
My fear, my nerves, my will to improve
In some ways I should thank you
Being alone has taught me to stand on my own
Accept who I am
Make my own decisions
Failure doesn't scare me anymore
My drive to improve is returning
But this time it's for me
Not to try and impress you
If I happen to fail
I will continue to work
Be the best
I wonder how you're doing now
Since there's no me to run to
I hope all is well
Meant from the bottom of my heart
Not only did you steal my heart
But you stole a part of me
Days of innocence
All of it
Too Far GoneYour memory smothers me
Like a blanket over a fire
You can't save me now
As I drown in this reverie
Can nobody hear me?
Or am I silently begging
For someone to notice
That I am no longer strong?
I want so badly to feel your arms around me
To open my eyes and see yours staring back
Feel the comfort of your body against mine
You gently kissing my forehead...
But I'm too far gone
I would be lying if I said I didn't miss you
But I know we're not good for each other
I know going back to you
Would be setting myself up for pain
You should know that this was a very difficult decision to make
Choosing to finally let you go
To be on my own
The Little ThingsThe way he would cup my face in his hands when he pulled me in for a kiss.
How well we slept when we were next to each other.
The way he would rub his thumb across my hand when he was holding it.
"The little things," in reality, are not little.
They're what make you fall in love in the first place.
What you hold on to when it's gone.
These moments, these memories are what flood your brain at 2 am.
You try to silence your thoughts and get some sleep, but you can't.
Because the people who hurt us the most are the ones we tend to cling to.
GhostThe dream shatters around me
Like a broken mirror.
Looking at the wreckage,
My reflection unrecognizable.
A broken image.
A broken heart.
I'm cut by the shards
As I try to piece it back together.
My blood sprinkles the surface
Like a red rain.
The mirror is whole again.
What's left of the dream.
I look at my reflection,
And tears finally begin to fall.
ShardsThe dream shatters around me like a broken mirror.
Pieces of you surround me, but nothing seems to be clear.
I'm still cleaning up the mess you made.
You should have put down your fear,
You could have stayed.
I'm done chasing.
I've stopped running.
Have you even noticed that I'm walking the other way?
I'm cut by the shards of what's left of who you were.
Red tears stain the surface while the world is in a blur.
You Changed EverythingWaking up to see your face
Is my favorite way to start the day.
Knowing my reality is as good as a dream
Makes me grateful for how we got this way.
I was scared,
But I don't think you could tell.
I decided to take the plunge
And immediately, I fell.
Your arms feel like home.
Welcoming my body into a comforting embrace.
You've left an impression on my heart,
A permanent mark I can't erase.
We share each other's happiness
As well as the pain.
But we both remember what's important,
Like when we're kissing in the rain.
I was drowning,
And you brought me to safety.
I wasn't sure I was ready,
Then you changed everything.
I AmI am single,
but I am loved.
I am not a genius,
but I am intelligent.
I am not breathtaking,
but I have beauty.
I am not a saint,
but I am kind.
To the world,
I am not perfect.
But for someone,
Figured It OutI figured it out
I don't miss you
I miss being loved
Being held close and kissed
Having someone who cared for me
To laugh with and dance with
Being looked at the way you looked at me
I know I still care deeply for you
And hope you make good decisions
But I am not in love with you
Pain changes people
It taught me what is best for me
How to be happy with myself
I miss our friendship
Talking with you
And learning so much
You don't realize how much you taught me
Someday we might get that friendship back
Even if we don't,if our paths ever cross in life again
I will smile at you and remember the days I loved my best friend
Colors BleedAs I gaze into the mirror
A vibrant visage screams to be freed.
I start to see myself much clearer
As I watch my colors bleed.
Now the world looks so abstract
Surrounding me, the absence lay.
All quite contrived, to be exact
Why did the colors fade away?
My footprints stamp the ground in teal
Before they wither into dust.
A monochromatic bestial
Is tarnishing my skin with rust.
My crimson hands have lost their touch
My amber hues have been diluted.
My emerald eyes don’t see that much
I feel my spectrum is polluted.
Then I spot a lavender trail
Like a beacon amidst the void.
It shows me life can still prevail
And not all colors are destroyed.
With my colors all but dead
I found what I’d been searching for.
With much avail, the trail had led
Me to a girl of colors yore.
Her eyes dripped shades of indigo
That swirled with skin of harvest gold.
She exhaled with a pinkish glow
Yet her demeanor felt so cold.
With silver hair, and vacant stare
She poured out in a wistful plea.
Siren's CallWhat was wrong is right,
Now there's more than
Black and white.
All these feelings inside
And I just can't decide
Which one to act on.
I'm not a bad kid,
But no angel would do
What I did.
All these thoughts in my head
Saying I'm better off dead
Can't all be lying.
I want my old addiction,
All the blood from
All the pain in my heart
Telling me to tear apart
It calls to me at night,
Telling me to do it
And it's right.
All these emotions I can't take
Are going to make
Beautiful.They say I’m beautiful
Because of the way my crystalline heart reflects light off its fractured surface
Well, that isn't a reflection
It’s rejection of the light because it’s all too much to handle
Throw myself away into the dark without even a candle
‘Cause I don’t want to recognize all the pain I’m in
Or realize the truth behind what I am or who I've been
And I tried to make things right but I just keep on making wrong
I never listened to the angel on my shoulder when she called
I count my tears like they’re experience
And my scars like they’re mysterious
And that’s a feeling I’ll remember –
Watching as you left
Watching as you ended what was meant to be forever
And I can see it in their eyes; everyone can empathize
So they say that I’m beautiful because they don’t know what else to say.
But if being broken is beautiful, then it’s the ugliest way...
I Love Her.I hold her hand tightly
Taking care to make sure she is safe
Loved and valued, she is more a woman than I
She calls me her guardian angel.
I protect her from the cruel world
That destroyed me and my dreams.
Shielding her from all the pain around,
Letting her grow at her own pace until she is ready.
But soon I will have to step back,
Holding my breath hoping she won't be crushed
She sees the world in it's true light and soars
As I'm left on the ground, my wings far to broken to fly.
I love her,
So I let her go.
LightLure me in
Confuse me with your words
Calm me with your eyes
Keep me close to your side
Never allowing for a stray glance
My past is on the table
As is yours
We accept each other like no two people should
You promise you will always stay.
Reaching for you once again
In a desperate time of need
Your hand slips through mine
And I fall back into the abyss
Darkness consuming me
As the glow of your eyes fade along with your smile
Where are you?
I need your light to guide me
I let you in
Now I'm left empty.
She.Opening my eyes to you
Smiling and stroking my hair
I feel a sense of peace wash over me
I'm so terrified
To let you close
But how much longer
Can I pretend to not feel for you?
I pray once you know
You will let me stay in your life.
And I pray once she knows
she won't hate me for how I feel about you.
.you should have
emerged with life; your
little roots should have
clutched the soil in their
tiny white fists, and
i did not mean to trample
you, i did not mean to
let my body kill
Love Within Walls Of Hate Filled Heartsroses adorned with thorns, be warned that everything
beautiful, holds a barely controlled darkness inside
it hides a horror untold and speaks in tongues so
boldly similar to its opposing side,
sometimes it’s hard to find out, what is what.
how do you know when to leave well alone and keep what’s shut
away, locked behind closed doors.
with a war raging inside, looking into chained drawers,
to a certain degree you can see, the truth between the lines
that love isn’t always the kind you find in movies
where the sun’s rays cloak lovers in a lasting gold, holding them close
whispering sweet words and praise, with hearts beating so fast
like horses in a race a quick and unsteady pace
take your cheap perfume, take your “Honey, I love you”’s
and go get a room, and then you can resume your attempt to consume
don’t cry when it’s over, just another memory of a distant lover
This sick obsessionThe dependence of heroin does not compare to the immense torture
A Pleasurable torture,
Memories of ravens and moonlight,
Drips black ink over the empty pages of my Journal...
Even when I am alone I cannot escape You,
I don't know if it is a curse or a blessing
When I dream of these sickly sweet nightmares,
Filled with Your endless embrace...
The sacrifice of submitting myself to You completely, only then
Indulge myself with this crazy compulsion,
These kinds of dreams are often bittersweet
And a death filled with bliss...
Is a torment I beg for,
As long as I am imprisoned by your
I will not run away from it any longer
It's almost a sick obsession,
I am in need of it
I want it all
It has completely taken me over,
There is no such freedom now
And I am not looking for one
The Coffee GodThe Coffee God behind the counter shuffles foot to foot, a dance of steam and espresso. Black painted fingernails, inch gauged ears and a gray striped sweatshirt, hood crooked on his back. There's a cigarette tucked behind one ear; it bobs and twitches with each step.
“Non-fat caramel latte,” he calls, just as he always does, part of a spell, part of a mantra, toneless (just a tuck at the end). I reach. He looks up.
The espresso maker hisses.
There's something like a grin, something like a spark, something like a shared secret linked eye to eye. When he passes over the drink (rough cardboard sleeve hot to the touch), he lingers. Our fingers brush, a shiver, a jolt, a ten-watt shock.
The Coffee God tilts his chin, shouts, “Hey, mind if I take my break now?”
and ducks around the counter without waiting for a reply.
He slips his cigarette between his lips without taking his eyes from mine. I follow him out the door.
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