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literature
I Know
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Literature Text
I know that you need space
Time away from everything
So you can find your place
I know that you still think about me
Some small thing we used to do may trigger a memory
Remind you of how things used to be
I know that you still care
You're good at hiding how you feel
But maybe something is still there
I know there are a lot of things you don't know
Life can be overwhelming
I'm sure you'll go far, though
I also know that you will always have a special place in my heart
We might not be together
Friendship may be a good place to start
Time away from everything
So you can find your place
I know that you still think about me
Some small thing we used to do may trigger a memory
Remind you of how things used to be
I know that you still care
You're good at hiding how you feel
But maybe something is still there
I know there are a lot of things you don't know
Life can be overwhelming
I'm sure you'll go far, though
I also know that you will always have a special place in my heart
We might not be together
Friendship may be a good place to start
![[DoF Test Not really art] So we finally meet..](https://images-wixmp-ed30a86b8c4ca887773594c2.wixmp.com/f/69e45afb-70f5-452e-925c-4accfa91be94/d90k6t9-7f1f61a1-16e8-4e3f-8fa6-874b20b4b800.gif/v1/crop/w_184,h_184,x_23,y_0,scl_0.38333333333333,q_85,strp/_dof_test_not_really_art__so_we_finally_meet___by_dazzion_d90k6t9-92s-2x.jpg?token=eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJzdWIiOiJ1cm46YXBwOjdlMGQxODg5ODIyNjQzNzNhNWYwZDQxNWVhMGQyNmUwIiwiaXNzIjoidXJuOmFwcDo3ZTBkMTg4OTgyMjY0MzczYTVmMGQ0MTVlYTBkMjZlMCIsIm9iaiI6W1t7ImhlaWdodCI6Ijw9NDgwIiwicGF0aCI6IlwvZlwvNjllNDVhZmItNzBmNS00NTJlLTkyNWMtNGFjY2ZhOTFiZTk0XC9kOTBrNnQ5LTdmMWY2MWExLTE2ZTgtNGUzZi04ZmE2LTg3NGIyMGI0YjgwMC5naWYiLCJ3aWR0aCI6Ijw9NzIwIn1dXSwiYXVkIjpbInVybjpzZXJ2aWNlOmltYWdlLm9wZXJhdGlvbnMiXX0.BGZItyOju2MguF3Ra29ULOVh9rjumeoGfvgM39Bwxpw)
![[DoF Test Not really art] So we finally meet..](https://images-wixmp-ed30a86b8c4ca887773594c2.wixmp.com/f/69e45afb-70f5-452e-925c-4accfa91be94/d90k6t9-7f1f61a1-16e8-4e3f-8fa6-874b20b4b800.gif/v1/crop/w_92,h_92,x_12,y_0,scl_0.19166666666667,q_85,strp/_dof_test_not_really_art__so_we_finally_meet___by_dazzion_d90k6t9-92s.jpg?token=eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJzdWIiOiJ1cm46YXBwOjdlMGQxODg5ODIyNjQzNzNhNWYwZDQxNWVhMGQyNmUwIiwiaXNzIjoidXJuOmFwcDo3ZTBkMTg4OTgyMjY0MzczYTVmMGQ0MTVlYTBkMjZlMCIsIm9iaiI6W1t7ImhlaWdodCI6Ijw9NDgwIiwicGF0aCI6IlwvZlwvNjllNDVhZmItNzBmNS00NTJlLTkyNWMtNGFjY2ZhOTFiZTk0XC9kOTBrNnQ5LTdmMWY2MWExLTE2ZTgtNGUzZi04ZmE2LTg3NGIyMGI0YjgwMC5naWYiLCJ3aWR0aCI6Ijw9NzIwIn1dXSwiYXVkIjpbInVybjpzZXJ2aWNlOmltYWdlLm9wZXJhdGlvbnMiXX0.BGZItyOju2MguF3Ra29ULOVh9rjumeoGfvgM39Bwxpw)
This may be closer to the truth.
I still have so much left to say.
I still have so much left to say.
© 2012 - 2024 SevereWeather
Comments12
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I will be critiquing this piece on behalf of
Firstly, I think that the title gives away too much of the poem itself.
Now, the crit:
ST = Stanza
L = Line
Even though you don't have a lot of emotion within this piece, and it is highly cliché, it still manages to evoke feeling in the reader. This is because it is a topic that many, if not all, people have had to, or will have to, deal with at a point. I do feel, however, that including more of how you feel, instead of the almost bland 'I know, and I know' (like making a perfect meal and forgetting the salt), would enhance the feeling one gets after reading through this piece.
You start on an almost negative note, but end with a more positive one. However, the ending is bittersweet, especially if there are still 'non-friendship' feelings there.
Again, this would benefit from punctuation. You have heard my spiel before, so I won't repeat myself, but think of adding punctuation into what you write. It makes reading it a whole lot easier.
Another thing I do like about this piece is the subtle rhyme you have included within the piece. I almost didn't notice it until the end, that's how good it was. When rhyme stands out when it’s not supposed to that's when it's been done wrong. This has been done just right.
Overall:
Jo
Firstly, I think that the title gives away too much of the poem itself.
Now, the crit:
ST = Stanza L = LineEven though you don't have a lot of emotion within this piece, and it is highly cliché, it still manages to evoke feeling in the reader. This is because it is a topic that many, if not all, people have had to, or will have to, deal with at a point. I do feel, however, that including more of how you feel, instead of the almost bland 'I know, and I know' (like making a perfect meal and forgetting the salt), would enhance the feeling one gets after reading through this piece.
You start on an almost negative note, but end with a more positive one. However, the ending is bittersweet, especially if there are still 'non-friendship' feelings there.
Again, this would benefit from punctuation. You have heard my spiel before, so I won't repeat myself, but think of adding punctuation into what you write. It makes reading it a whole lot easier.
Another thing I do like about this piece is the subtle rhyme you have included within the piece. I almost didn't notice it until the end, that's how good it was. When rhyme stands out when it’s not supposed to that's when it's been done wrong. This has been done just right.
Overall:
Jo